The Rational Thinker, the
Moralistic Judge and the Emotional ego are constantly vying for dominance in
manufacturing our reactions and behaviors. When we express ourselves, interact
with people, or attend to daily matters, we are always expressing one of these
ego states more than the others. Consider the very simple, seemingly innocuous example
of answering the question, “What time is it?”
The logical Rational Thinker
would give a straight answer, “It’s 10 past 2,” (for example).
The Moralistic Judge would offer
some criticism or advice and may respond, “Isn’t it time you bought yourself a
watch?”
The Emotional ego would respond
impulsively, perhaps saying, “I’m busy, ask someone else.” The way you answer, and
your attitude, depend on which ego state you allow to dominate.
Depending on your choice, your
behavior may cause diverse reactions in others, which will determine what you
get back from those others. And because you are constantly engaging in interpersonal
relationships as you work on your goals, these liaisons ultimately determine
how effectively you do business and achieve.
You will be more likely to
succeed if your interactions with associates are favorable.
If you let the Emotional or
Moralistic parts of you dominate, your rationality will play a lesser role.
This disadvantages you, because acting on impulse or based on rigid judgments
will dull your objectivity and trigger emotional responses in others, perhaps
even antagonism, making communication difficult.
There is an old saying, “A
reasonable person is seldom angry. An angry person is seldom reasonable.” And
if you let the Moralistic ego dominate, you display an inflexible attitude,
making communication awkward. Try having an intelligent discussion with someone
who has inflexible moral values – it can be fruitless and very irritating;
anyone with a rigid point of view makes a poor candidate for logical dialogues.
The most appropriate ego state to
choose as the dominant one is thus your Rational Thinker, your Adult ego, your
cool and logical self. If you are not overly influenced by emotions or strict
moralistic values, you can judge events more realistically, which effectively makes
you a better achiever. Emotions and moral values can, and often do, interfere
with our objectives. They distract our attention from what works or doesn’t
work (which is what counts when attending to goals) towards what is good
or bad or what feels good or bad.
The three egos work in tandem,
cooperating as well as competing with each other; you can never be completely
non-judgmental or unemotional, it is a matter of degree. You can choose whether
to act mostly rationally, mostly impulsively, or mostly moralistically.
Decide to act mostly rationally and
objectively and you will be less swayed by impulsive appraisals or blind
judgments. Choose to obtain pleasure through solving your problems smartly and
you will notice that you reach your objectives more efficiently. This will
inevitably mean you have a more enjoyable, satisfying, and fulfilling life.
With less interference from your untamed impulses and rigid moral values, you
are able to deal with things more objectively, be more precise, and take more
appropriate and effective actions to get what you want.
........................
......Morality is very subjective
affair, and your personal moral values will depend a lot on the type of goals
or objectives you set out to achieve.
When we decide what we want or
need in life, we implicitly also choose the kind of morality we are likely to
follow. From a strictly evolutionary point of view, all moral values are
legitimate. Life considers all possibilities, forbidding nothing. What
determines whether certain moral values are appropriate or not is their degree
of effectiveness in making us better achievers; the moral values that prevail
are those that make us better competitors or better able to cooperate and
advance as a society. Crime is considered immoral and illegal because we can
foresee the disadvantages it creates and the obstacles it poses to moving
forward as a group. However, crime, dishonesty, deceitfulness, corruption,
cheating, fraud, and many other antisocial behaviors are still widespread in
modern society, so they still seem to have a place in our evolution.
For instance, consider
sociopathy, traditionally described as a personality disorder characterized by
amorality and lack of affect (no remorse). The sociopath, or the person with an
antisocial personality disorder, still has an important place in modern society
– not in crime, but in conventional business. Corporations often prefer
personnel who are insincere, not prone to remorse or guilt, and egocentric (having
a tendency to seek personal recognition by unacceptable means), because people
with these characteristics can optimize profit.
In order to assess reality more
comprehensively and develop more effective thinking, you need to accept that in
your daily dealings with people you may, and often will, come across egocentric
people who intend to take advantage of you; they cheat, act impulsively, and rarely
feel remorse. You can turn this to your advantage by accepting it as part of
living, and preparing yourself to deal with it properly. Chapters 2 and 3 will
teach you how.
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